How To Listen Empathetically
Nearly 60% of adult Americans have at least one chronic disease. So, even if you don't have a chronic illness yourself, you likely interact with people who do. Living with a chronic illness comes with a slew of challenges but oftentimes folks who live with chronic conditions keep their struggles around their illness to themselves out of fear of being misunderstood. However, when we keep our feelings, concerns and struggles to ourselves, it can take a toll on mental health. That is why having support is crucial when you have a chronic illness. Support can be provided in a number of different ways, but one of the most important aspects of supporting someone is taking the time to truly listen to them. The ability to listen is a key part of any relationship- whether that be between family members, friends, romantic partners or peers. People sharing about their struggles need you to listen respectfully, without judgment.
Showing empathy requires emotionally connecting with another person through identification, understanding, feeling, and insight. Empathic listening is a combination of having the intention to connect, focusing on clarifying the speaker's needs first and checking the timing before offering your own feelings, suggestions or thoughts. Empathetic listening is needed most when someone needs to be seen and heard, and are not particularly coming to you for a solution.
Tips for Empathic Listening
Don’t be afraid of silence
Sometimes all a person needs is to be heard or know you’re there. Pay attention to the context and quality of the silence before responding. The person you are talking to might be thinking about what to say next or may just need a few silent moments to push through their emotions.
Focus on having an open mind
Be nonjudgemental. If you begin to react to something, recognize what you are feeling but do your best to let it go for now. You are trying to be there for someone else whose experience is valid, even if it differs from yours.
Give the person your undivided attention
Be attentive. Remove distractions and do not look at your phone. Show your interest by leaning in and making gestures such as nodding your head. Add occasional verbal comments such as, “right” or “I hear you” Be mindful of your posture and body language by not crossing your arms. Try your best to not interrupt, give advice, correct the person, shut down their feelings as this might stop them from speaking and really expressing themselves.
Show that you are there for the person now and later
When it is your turn to speak, paraphrase what you heard and do not immediately suggest a solution. Ask questions to keep the conversation going and clarify anything you heard, if needed. Ask them about how they felt when something happened. Let them answer in their own time. When the conversation is over, see if they would like to talk more another time and make sure you continue to follow up with them afterwards.
Try not to take the spotlight
When we agree silently or verbally to be a listener, it's an agreement to be present for that person. We are being entrusted with someone's vulnerability. However, right in the middle of listening, we sometimes get an overwhelming urge to interrupt. Inadvertently we're asking the speaker to focus on us.
Examples of responses to use while listening empathetically:
“Do you feel like I’ve really heard you? Or is there something else you’d like me to understand?”
“I’d like to know more. May I ask you a couple of questions?”
“I have a suggestion. Would you like to hear it?”
“Would you like to brainstorm some solutions together?”
“I have a story that’s similar and might be useful. Would you enjoy hearing it?”
Examples of responses not to use while listening empathetically.
Telling a story “That reminds me of the time…”
Shutting down feelings “Cheer up. Don’t be sad.”
Interrogating “How come you did that?”
Evaluating “You’re just too unrealistic”
One-Upping “Thats nothing. Listen to this!”
Taking active steps to listen with an open mind and hear about what someone is going through shows that you care about them. When we are mindful and aware of the way we are listening and responding to others feelings, we create a safe space for the person. Thus becoming a valuable source of support. Listening empathetically can feel challenging, but by practicing the tips above you can become a more present listener for those in your life who need it most.
How Chronius Can Help
If living with chronic illness feels like a full time job, you aren’t alone.
That’s why at Chronius, we make it easy to navigate the healthcare system as a patient. Our online care management platform brings together all of your health records and offers a 1-click appointment prep tool that easily synthesizes your health story for your care team. You also can track all of your symptoms, identify trends, learn from vetted medical information, and follow a custom patient journey map. Plus, if you needs hands on support, our Care Advocates are available to help you with any issues you may hit up against. Personalized support as you navigate your care journey is what we are all about.
Interested in learning more and signing up for our waitlist? Claim your spot today.
