How to Embrace Support and Ask for Help
Living with a chronic illness often feels like a daily balancing act. You manage symptoms, treatments, doctor’s appointments, and the list goes on, all while juggling the expectations of daily life. So why does asking for help sometimes feel wrong? Many of us with chronic illness struggle with accepting help, even when we need it most. This reluctance can come from many places, including societal pressures, internal guilt, or a fear of losing independence. One of the biggest barriers for me is the fear of being a burden. Unfortunately, it’s common for those of us in the chronic illness community to feel like we’re “too much” for the people we love. But needing help doesn’t make you a burden—it just makes you human. Let’s explore why accepting help can feel so challenging and how to ease into asking for support without guilt.
The Struggle to Accept Help
Societal Pressure to “Push Through”
Society often values productivity and “pushing through” challenges, which can make asking for help seem like a personal failure. Chronic illness can already be isolating, and there’s often an added layer of guilt that comes with feeling like you're not doing enough. This pressure makes many of us feel like asking for help is somehow admitting defeat when in reality, it’s a necessary form of self-care.
Internalized Guilt and Shame
Living with chronic illness often means needing more support than others might expect. Whether it’s needing help with daily tasks or requiring accommodations at work or school, it can stir up feelings of guilt and shame. These feelings can make it tough to reach out, even when help would improve quality of life.
Fear of Losing Independence
For many with chronic illness, maintaining a sense of independence is crucial. It’s not uncommon to fear that by accepting help, you are also giving up control over your own life. Asking for assistance can feel like letting go of autonomy, which can be particularly hard when your illness already forces you to adjust to so many changes outside of your control.
The Emotional Weight of Feeling Like a Burden
For many in the chronic illness community, feeling like a burden is one of the most difficult emotional hurdles to overcome. This feeling can stem from the repeated need to ask for help with tasks that seem simple to others- like making dinner or running errands. Over time, these requests can create a sense of feeling “too needy,” especially if you’re already struggling to manage your illness.
It's important to remember that these feelings are normal and common among spoonies. Needing help doesn’t make you less valuable or more burdensome. In fact, it’s often the narrative we create in our heads—due to the pressure to appear capable—that magnifies these feelings. Your worth isn’t determined by how much you can do without help, but by who you are. Accepting help doesn’t diminish your independence, nor does it make you a weight on others’ shoulders.
Your loved ones want to help because they care about you, not because they feel obligated. You might be surprised at how much they’re willing and eager to support you, especially when they can see it’s truly benefiting your well-being. Trust that accepting help can bring you closer to your loved ones rather than create a burden.
The Importance of Asking for Help
Despite the difficulty, asking for help is vital for both physical and emotional well-being. Here’s why:
It prevents burnout: Chronic illness is exhausting enough without adding the stress of trying to do everything on your own. Asking for help lightens the load and gives you more energy to focus on your health.
It builds stronger connections: Accepting help from others doesn’t just benefit you; it strengthens your relationships. Allowing loved ones to support you fosters a deeper connection and helps you feel less isolated.
It models healthy behavior: By asking for help, you’re setting an example for others—whether that’s other chronic illness patients or even your own family. You show that it’s okay to need support, and that doing so doesn’t make you weak.
Tips for Asking for Help
Knowing why help is important doesn’t always make it easier to ask. Here are a few tips to help ease into the process:
Start Small
You don’t have to dive in headfirst. Start by asking for help with smaller tasks. Maybe it’s a ride to a doctor’s appointment or having someone pick up groceries for you. By beginning with smaller requests, you can gradually build confidence in accepting assistance.
Be Clear About Your Needs
When you do ask for help, it’s important to be clear about what you need. Rather than making vague statements like, “I need help with my chores,” try being more specific: “Could you help me with folding laundry on Saturday?” Being clear helps the person assisting you understand exactly how they can be most helpful.
Offer Options
Not everyone will be able to help in the way you need, and that’s okay. When asking for help, consider offering options. For instance, “If you can’t help me this weekend, could we find a time next week?” This makes the request feel less like a demand and allows others to support you in a way that fits their capacity.
Practice Self-Compassion
Recognize that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but rather an important step in taking care of yourself. Remind yourself that you are not a burden, and that those who care about you want to help. Practicing self-compassion is key to reframing how you view help.
Lean Into Community Resources
If asking friends and family feels overwhelming, consider leaning into other forms of support, like community groups, support networks, or professional services. These spaces are designed to provide assistance without judgment, and can help fill in the gaps when personal help isn’t available.
You Are Not a Burden
It’s important to remind yourself that asking for help doesn’t make you a burden. Everyone needs help at some point, whether they’re living with chronic illness or not. Your loved ones care about you, and many of them likely want to help, but they might not always know how. By letting them in and giving them the chance to support you, you’re strengthening your connection with them—not weighing them down. Living with a chronic illness means learning to navigate your limits and embrace the support available to you. By asking for help, you’re taking an important step in preserving your health and well-being. It's a sign of strength, not weakness, to recognize when you need assistance. So the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember: asking for help is not only okay, it’s essential. It’s one more tool in your chronic illness toolkit that can help you live more comfortably, with more time and energy to focus on what truly matters—your well-being.
How Chronius Can Help
Chronius is committed to redefining primary care for those with chronic and invisible illnesses. Our virtual primary care services bring expert, empathetic care right to your home, making it easier for you to manage your health. We offer personalized care plans tailored to your specific needs, ensuring that you receive comprehensive support without judgment or dismissal. With Chronius, you gain a healthcare partner who listens, understands, and empowers you to take control of your health. Discover the difference of patient-focused care that values and respects your experience. Book an appointment today! (Currently available from anywhere in Florida)
